Teach Me Who You Are
We all have a privately held belief system that defines who we think we are. This belief system is composed of ideas that we have accumulated over time that we think describe us accurately.
These ideas came from sources that varied widely in quality. Most of the ideas we have chosen to label ourselves with have come from origins that would be clearly absurd to us if we encountered them for the first time today. Many others have origins that can longer be recalled because they are too old, or trivial, or have been suppressed. Yet these collections of labels are still maintained as part of our self image despite their murky history.
We mistakenly believe that only we can know what our true assessment of ourselves is, because only we have access to our private thoughts. The reality is that our speech and all our actions teach everybody around us about our internal model of ourselves and our world. There is no way to be alive without constantly teaching others about our belief systems.
What we believe is true about ourselves completely determines how we interpret the things we see, the sounds we hear, and the meaning of the events that take place around us. Our beliefs act as filters that serve to reinforce our internal models - we selectively focus on evidence that supports our point of view and ignore evidence that does not. This selectivity of perception takes place on a level that only occasionally enters into our conscious awareness.
A classic example: a child is labeled by parents, teachers or peers as "stupid", and hears it often enough that it is incorporated into that child's description of self. This child then begins to process experiences in a way that selects for continuing evidence of the label of "I am stupid" (or ugly, fat, or any other pejorative). A different child of equivalent intelligence is labeled "smart", comes to believe it internally, and filters experiences in a way that reinforces that label and rejects its opposite. They go on to have widely different experiences in life based on accepting these labels about who they are.
A difficult but essential exercise in transcending the limitations we believe restrict us is to carefully examine the labels we carry inside us about who we are. We will discover that we need to let go of the vast majority of the ideas we use to describe ourselves! An indicator to know that we are doing the exercise correctly is a physical and mental sense of lightness and profound relief at the thought of believing we can truly be free of the old labels that we carry so wearily from birth to grave.
Another reason to carefully monitor what we think about ourselves is this: what we think is true about ourselves is what we will expect to be true of other people as well. If our internal model of ourselves includes the image of cheating others when possible in order to gain a financial advantage, we will expect others to try to cheat us when they have the opportunity to do so. If we think of ourselves as basically trusting and honest, we will generally expect that behavior from others we meet. Our internal expectations will selectively color our perceptions of the world around us in order to match our models of who we really are inside. In short - we believe that others will treat us the way we believe we have treated them.
We've now come back to the beginning. If you want to know what people really think of themselves internally, look at what they seem to expect from the world around them. People teach us who they think they are in everything that they do. When we see attack and defense in a person's behavior, we can be sure that they inwardly picture themselves as vulnerable - no matter what external bravado is displayed. When we see another serene in the midst of chaos, we can know that their view of themselves transcends a sense of vulnerability in that situation.
Be sure of this - those things in life that we tolerate because we believe we have no power to change them perpetuate a false image of ourselves as limited in our abilities. By inviting in new thoughts about what we are, we literally increase our power to create solutions, and our entire world changes along with us.
What things in life do you tolerate because you do not have an image of yourself as powerful enough to create a positive solution?
Who would you have to be instead to make what would bring you joy instead of pain?
Why can't you be that other, more powerful person instead of who you think you are now?
What story and labels go with the reasons you give for not being that other, more empowered you?
What has to happen for you to unconditionally love yourself and make it O.K. for you to be happy?
What are you waiting for?
About The Author
Timothy J. Dey, M.D. is a professional coach, speaker, and educator who makes a unique combination of educational assets and life experiences available to people through his coaching, consulting, writing, and workshops. He is a certified comprehensive coach, a graduate of the Wayne State University School of Medicine, a workshop and teleclass leader, an adjunct professor of pharmacology, and creates and conducts health-related courses that address fundamental issues in society today. For more information or to contact Dr. Timothy Dey, you may visit him on the web at: www.deygroup.com.
Latest News
Hormones: Learning the rules of attraction Independent, UK - What really draws couples together? The mysteries of hormones are only now being unravelled – and giving us fascinating new insights into why we behave the ... |
 TVNZ | 'Twilight' stokes our immortal attraction to the vampire New York Daily News, NY - In this image released by Summit Entertainment, Kristen Stewart, left, and Robert Pattinson are shown in a scene from, "Twilight." 'Mad, bad, and dangerous ... Life and love eternal Movie Review - "Twilight" sizzles but squanders dark romance RA Long students sink their teeth into 'Twilight' |
 UK Parents Lounge | New Forest Lapland attraction a dismal failure UK Parents Lounge, UK - Instead of paying high-cost flights to the real Lapland, families could travel to the New Forest to see a similar attraction. With tickets costing £25, ... Picture diary by mum at Lapland row attraction SNOW JOKE Lapland visitors face a fight to get their money back |
A cosmopolitan attraction Culpeper Star Exponent, VA - Have you seen the new movie now playing in theaters starring Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman, called “Australia”? The movie is receiving great reviews and ... Crikey! 'Australia' Hits the Big Screen VIDEO: “Australia” Review 'Australia' -- a review |
 WJBF-TV | Garden Gates Get Ready To Close In Augusta WJBF-TV, GA - But, after a year of being open as a public park, the future of the downtown attraction is now in doubt. WJBF News Channel 6’s George Eskola has the story. ... |
Lights, Cameras, Attraction in Leighton Buzzard Leighton Buzzard Today, UK - By Sarah Holmes LEIGHTON High Street was turned into a winter wonderland on Friday as thousands of festive fun seekers flocked to the town centre for the ... |
John Nada Saya to be the star attraction in Pune Marathon MyNews.in, India - Pune: Tanzanian long distance runner John Nada Saya, who proved his skills in Milan in 2001, will be the star attraction of the 23rd Vodafone International ... |
My Pikin: A fatal attraction Vanguard, Nigeria - The feeling one gets as one holds a bottle of My Pikin Baby Teething Mixture does not arouse suspicion or doubt. Even if its clear, liquid content looks ... |
 BBC News | Christmas 'car boot sale' probe The Press Association - Trading standards are investigating after a Christmas Lapland attraction was described by one disgruntled visitor as a more like a car boot sale. ... New Forest Lapland attracts over 1000 complaints from angry families Credit-crunch Christmas treat freezes in blizzard of complaints Hundreds slam Lapland park 'scam' |
A look at laws of attraction Albany Times Union, NY - Bodies, Behavior and Brains — The Science Behind Sex, Love & Attraction" (Delacorte Press. 308 pages. $20), by Jena Pincott: Plenty of sex books claim to ... |
Resources
-
WomenFiguredOut.com How To Be The Jerk Women Love by F.J. Shark
eBook that teaches men the sexual triggers and attraction secrets of Jerks w/out being a Jerk.
-
Mental Power Strategies
Master Secrets of Hypnosis, Chi Power ,Meditation, attraction, & Stock Markets.
-
COVERTPOWER.COM - Your source for Seduction, Influence, personal power and money attraction informat
COVERTPOWER.COM - Your source for Seduction, Influence, personal power and money attraction information!
-
Free report reveals how sexy women will approach you first for a date, no matter your looks, age or
attraction, dating and seduction secrets revealed. This remarkable website teaches men how to get desirable, sexy women to approach them first. Discover little known dating, seduction and pick up secrets from John Alanis, the King of Let
-
Natural attraction & Success with Women: 'Men's Guide to Women'
Learn how to be successful with women. Understand how to get women, be a player, and attract women.
-
Being a Player, Dating, attraction, Seduction And Sex Tips for Men
The Most Amazing Secrets to Get Any Woman That You Want, learn what women want, flirting, love advice, pick up lines, dating tips, speed dating, get a girlfriend, and pick up women
-
The Law of attraction (sm) where you manifest & attract abundance, success & wealth!
When you learn from The Law of attraction, you can craft and create the life you want!