The Perfect Person

"When you truly look for me, You will find me." Kabir

We all want love. Then, when we get it, we become afraid and start to run in the opposite direction. On the one hand we are searching for love, searching for some lasting relationship. On the other hand, we are relieved when the person goes away.

It always "seems" as if relationships are difficult. They seem difficult to find, to keep and to enjoy.Yet, the fundamental truth is: there is no inherent problem with relationships. There is never a scarcity of relationships. There is never a scarcity of love. Love is our natural condition, why aren't we

The most common answer to this question is that we must find the perfect person. There is always something wrong with the people we meet. We have not yet found the "right" person, who can make us really happy. Or, if we have found him/her, that person has now left us and nobody will ever take their place again.

At this point we still believe that another person can make us happy. But, all right, let us look for a moment at what we're dreaming of. Take a moment to see clearly who this perfect person is to you. Sit down and write a description of how you would imagine your perfect partner to be. Let yourself daydream. Write down all the qualities such a person would have.

Now, write a paragraph describing how you would have to be in order to have such a partner. (Daydreams have power). Just doing this exercise you may begin to laugh. There may be wild discrepancies between how you see yourself now and how you feel your wouldhave to be to hold such a perfect partner.

What else might you discover? You might also discover that you do not really like this perfect person after all. He/she may only be some kind of ego-ideal. (Someone to build up your own self-image).

An attitude like this is based upon non-acceptance of who and what we really are.When we use another person to build up our own self-image, this kind of relationship is grounded in fear.

Love can never be built upon a foundation that is not real. If we do not feel good within ourselves, is it really so surprising we may not really be so eager, after all, for this perfect

There are many ways people keep love away. Some constantly fall into relationships only with difficult people. In this manner they insure that they will either be rejected, or have to reject the other. Rejection can feel more comfortable and familiar than the experience of love. Take a long, hard, good look at this. Look at what it is in you that feels it must keep love away. We cannot be open to love and relationship until we are able to release our fear of and desire for rejection. Once this pattern is dealt with, all of life opens its many doors.

As this happens it is inevitable to realize that love is free, it flows everywhere. It flows to everyone regardless of their qualities. Love has nothing to do with any images or fantasies of how somebody else "should be", or how we "should be" either.

Each person is the perfect person just as they are. When you begin finding the beauty in everyone, then the right one for you just walks through the door. .

Start today. Look around for a moment. See who is really in your life. Look at this person. Are you willing to love them? Really? What will happen if they start to love you too? Anything we can't love or accept in another, is a mirror of something we can't love or accept in our ourselves. All it takes is one moment to decide to turn that around. Try for a moment. See how wonderful it feels.

Here is a lovely exercise. Close your eyes, look at yourself through the eyes of someone who loves you. Open your eyes a moment. Close them again, and look at yourself now through your own eyes. Open your eyes. Can you choose to look at yourself and others, through the eyes of someone who loves them? If you can, you will be amazed at all the love that starts flowing to you.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.D., psychologist, speaker and author is a long term Zen practitioner whose work integrates Zen and everyday life. The relationship expert on i.village.com, she is the author of many books. The most recent is Living By Zen (Timeless Truths For Everyday Life), http://www.livingbyzen.com. She is also the author of Zen And The Art of Falling In Love, (Simon and Schuster), Zen Miracles, (Finding Peace In An Insane World) and many other books. She can be reached at topspeaker@yahoo.com Her personal website is http://www.brendashoshanna.com -

Latest News


ABC News
Lawyers: Hudson in-law angered by wife's dating
The Associated Press - 12 hours ago
CHICAGO (AP) — Prosecutors allege Jennifer Hudson's estranged brother-in-law killed three family members because he was angry the singer's sister was dating ...
Video: Hudson In-Law Charged With Killing 3 Relatives AssociatedPress
Hudson Murder Suspect Angry Over Wife's Dating Mom Logic
'Jealousy inspired Hudson murders' The Press Association
ABC News - MTV.com
all 2,266 news articles

Canada.com
Westwick and Szohr Dating?
San Francisco Chronicle,  USA - 8 hours ago
There's a new couple on the set of "Gossip Girl" -- Ed Westwick and Jessica Szohr are reportedly dating. Westwick was rumored to be involved with actress ...
Gossip Girl stars smootch at airport phillyBurbs.com
New couple on the Gossip Girl set? Canada.com
all 14 news articles

SNAP Interactive Expects Fourth Quarter Revenue to Exceed $900000
MarketWatch - 13 hours ago
Incorporated in Delaware and headquartered in New York, SNAP Interactive, Inc. is a leading provider of online dating applications for social networking ...

SanFranciscoSentinel.com
Recession dating, as much art as science, but its official, the US ...
Examiner.com - 18 hours ago
But the nonprofit NBER has been dating recessions since 1929, and has generally become accepted as “officially certifying that a recession has begun. ...
Video: Money Minute: Recession, Paulson, Oil AssociatedPress
Recession Dating: When in Doubt, Wait for a Crisis Wall Street Journal Blogs
Recession Dating: Some People Are Going to Be Surprised RGE Monitor
BusinessWorld Online - MarketWatch
all 1,551 news articles

Parents of Murdered Dating Violence Victim, Legislators, and ...
MarketWatch - Dec 2, 2008
NEW YORK, Dec 02, 2008 /PRNewswire-USNewswire via COMTEX/ -- Today, advocates for teen dating violence education from across the country are coming together ...
Talking About Teen Dating Abuse New York Times
Parents of Murdered Dating Violence Victim, Legislators, and ... International Business Times
Ending teens' 'silent threat' Portsmouth Herald News
all 10 news articles

CTV.ca
Hockey and Hollywood: Sean Avery's dating history and the NHL's ...
National Post, Canada - 14 hours ago
Sean Avery of the Dallas Stars and Men's Vogue was suspended indefinitely yesterday for making crude comments about his ex, 24 star Elisha Cuthbert. ...
Sean Avery suspended for "sloppy seconds"? Ridiculous Chicago Sun-Times
Suspended for Stupidity Atlanta Journal Constitution
Rach Hunter's ex suspended from NHL Stuff.co.nz
The Oregonian - OregonLive.com - Kansas City Star
all 1,512 news articles

Dot Net WWE News - Brie Bella dating a famous musician
ProWrestling.net, MN - 14 hours ago
By Jason Powell Dec 3, 2008 - 10:37 AM WWE Diva Brie Bella told friends at her recent birthday bash in Hollywood that she's been dating former Poison ...

RAW Ratings and Data, ECW Original Pregnant, Diva Dating a Rocker
Impact Wrestling News - 13 hours ago
WWE Diva Brie Bella told friends at her recent birthday bash in Hollywood that she's been dating former Poison guitarist Richie Kotzen for roughly four ...

'Dating scene'
Laney Tower, CA - 48 minutes ago
So, now I am officially on my own for the first time in my life, and in the dating scene. It is Weird! All the people I would hope would be interested in me ...

Rabbi permits double dating 'for marriage
Ynetnews, Israel - 12 hours ago
After Rabbi Shlomo Aviner recently ruled that double dating was prohibited, another rabbi, Ramat Gan's Chief Rabbi Yaakov Ariel, now claims that the ...

Resources