Emancipation
Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 8, 2003
When is it time to divorce a family member?
I've been helping my partner manage his father's long-term care. This entails working with his brother who controls the purse strings. My partner and I are both artists, juggling multiple careers to realize our life work and get the bills paid. Our income is limited.
My partner's brother is a self-made multimillionaire with multiple homes and his own private jet. We give what we can in terms of love, support, and managing round-the-clock care. The brother attempts to make us feel guilty by saying it is normal for all siblings to contribute financially and why aren't we.
I found this man disgusting, repulsive, and nauseating when I first met him 12 years ago, and I feel exactly the same way now. I have always pretended to have a good time and to love him, which adds my dishonesty to the picture.
The brother is about to limit how much money he contributes for his father's care. He will loan his father the rest. Once the equity is drained from the home and his father becomes indigent, the brother will provide the resources to take care of him.
My partner is at peace that inheritance isn't part of his future, but my life is thrown entirely off balance and I end up with many sleepless nights. What bothers me is the distortion of reality. I communicate with my partner's brother in writing, but he consistently misrepresents what I've written to him.
When I resend the information again and again, he claims it never happened or continues to misrepresent what I said. I showed the correspondence to a neutral third party, and she confirmed my perceptions.
This man does not appear to be conscious of his distortions and really believes his lies are true. We've tried telephone communication, but it is simply too traumatizing for both my partner and me to talk with him on the phone.
My counselor of many years has advised terminating the relationship, and my partner is also considering this. What do you think?
Marc
Marc, the first time you meet an individual who tells you up is down, right is left, and good is bad, it stuns you. You question your own judgment. But there are some people who will look you straight in the eye and lie.
Because you operate from a basis of honesty and integrity, you are dumbfounded that there is not some appeal to goodness or some line of reasoning which will get through to your partner's brother. But there isn't.
Believe the evidence of your own eyes. This man operates from the principle that he always gets to have his own way. You don't need to understand why he is that way. You need only accept how he is.
Your father-in-law is going to be taken care of financially, and that is a wonderful thing. You asked when it is time to divorce a family member. The answer in your case is it was time about 11 years ago.
Wayne & Tamara
Innocence Lost
I caught my husband cheating over a year and a half ago. We have worked things out meanwhile and even bought our first home. What is eating me up every day is always wondering if he will ever do this again.
I asked him today if there was someone else, and indirectly he never answered my question. I feel so lost and insecure. What should I do to get past this?
Donna
Donna, the difficulty with staying with a cheater is you have to believe they won't do again what they were not supposed to do in the first place. The first time your husband cheated he took away your ability to believe he is faithful.
We can't tell you how to get past this. With this man you can only look out for your own best interests.
Wayne
About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
Latest News
 New York Times | » Inspirational drama anything but 'Broken' Chicago Daily Herald, IL - This movie is based on the inspirational book by Bishop TD Jakes, which might explain why Duke treats it like an overripe project for the Lifetime cable ... Bill Duke's Not Easily Broken |
An inspirational office Malaysia Star, Malaysia - “Without a doubt, moving to this new office has given a tremendous boost to our camaraderie, our inspirational level, openness and teamwork,” Khairudin says ... |
John Lewis hails 'inspirational' sales effort in January sale Times Online, UK - John Lewis emphasised that the sales figures were inflated by calendar effects but hailed a “truly inspirational” performance. Sales of electricals and home ... |
Local Sports Hero to Share Inspirational Story at Business Club of ... PR.com (press release), NY - Raleigh, NC, January 09, 2009 --(PR.com)-- Logan Aldridge, a top national wakeboarder from Raleigh, will share his inspirational story at the Business Club ... |
BALL: fund-raiser for inspirational school for autistic children Midhurst and Petworth Today, UK - Pulborough mum Clare Vaux is organising a spring ball in tribute to a truly-inspirational school. The ball will be a fund-raiser for the Jigsaw School, ... |
Gerard Lucien Gaudreau, inspirational speaker Baltimore Sun, United States - By Frederick N. Rasmussen Gerard Lucien Gaudreau, a former partner in a Baltimore real estate firm and an inspirational speaker and teacher, died of heart ... |
Tyler Thompson, inspirational JCJC student, dies Laurel Leader Call, MS - By Jason Niblett, newseditor@laurelleadercall.com A Jones County Junior College student who symbolically became an inspiration during the 2008 Jones County ... |
Dr. Phil: Movie critic? Los Angeles Times, CA - That's what Sony has done for its new movie, "Not Easily Broken," which is not only being touted by Dr. Phil ("Inspirational, hilarious and deeply moving") ... |
Inspirational Deborah Riedel soprano dies of cancer aged 50 The Australian, Australia - Matthews described Riedel as an inspirational singer. Riedel grew up in Sydney and was a schoolteacher before successfully auditioning for a place in the ... |
Inspirational coach sharing her experiences with local girls Chinook Observer (subscription), WA - ILWACO — On June 11 from 10 am to 3 pm, girls in grades sixth through 12th have a rare opportunity to spend a day with an inspirational leader of young ... |
Resources
-
Fit Over 40 - Anti Aging - Life Extension - Senior Fitness - Masters Athletes - Longevity
Look younger and sexier, boost your metabolism, gain muscle, lose weight safely and naturally, and read over 50 incredible, inspiring real life success stories which prove that this will work for you too, regardless of how old or out of shape you are!
-
Screensaver Quotes - Inspiring Motivational Screensavers
Motivational Screensavers with Inspiring Quotes - Inspirational Screensavers with Beautiful Colors, Sunsets, and Rainbows :)
-
Ordinary Words Extraordinary Power, A Dictionary of Distinctions by Danish Ahmed
'Ordinary words ~ Extraordinary Power
-
Healthy Christms Book Offer
Discouraged about your weight? Uplifting and fun support for women. Recipes, tips, prayers, success stories, more. Darling Inspirational bracelets: 4 for $10.00.
-
Inspirational Kids Stories
Inspirational kids stories. Stories with a moral, so that your child can learn about the life
-
Inspirational Quotes and Short Motivational Stories
Inspirational Quotes and Short Motivational Stories for Everyday Living
-
Success Motivation Inspiration
Success Is Your Birthright Too! An Inspirational ebook and mp3 audio program that helps everyday people achieve the success they thought was reserved for everyone else. Motivational quotes, goal setting, dress for success, ebooks.