Building Up Your Marriage with Healthy Communication
Would you like to have a stronger, healthier, more enjoyable marriage? I am sure that you would. And yet we live in a culture where about half of all marriages will shatter and end in a divorce, leaving behind the wreckage of broken adults and broken children.
If we are to build healthy marriages, we much do so "on purpose." We cannot just hope that it will happen by accident. "Hope," say the generals, "is not a good strategy." Planning, work, and the investment of time, are much better strategies for any important endeavor of life. The first characteristic of a healthy marriage for us to consider is the way that we talk to our spouse, and the way that we talk about our spouse..
Healthy marriages are characterized by supportive, encouraging, and honest communication. We want to build each other up in our marriages, never tear our spouse down (especially under the guise of being "honest"). Two thousand years ago St. Paul wrote this verse that is worthy of every refrigerator door in America,
"Don't let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up, according to what they need, so that you can benefit those who listen." (Paul's letter to the Ephesians, Chapter 4).
There are three important parts to Paul's verse. First, that if we don't have something good to say, don't say anything at all. I think my mother told me that as well. Second, that we should consider our listener's needs. My wife has a different set of needs than does my daughter, or my sons. We should consider how best to encourage and support that particular person. Finally, the purpose of our talking in the first place should be to benefit the listener.
When I first began to seriously apply Paul's principle, and I began to really look at what I was saying, and why I was saying it, my vocabulary and my time talking were cut by about one-third. I had become sarcastic, but funny. But my funny sarcasm was always at the expense of another. When I determined to build others up and benefit them with my speech, I talked a lot less. But I became a much better person, both inside and out.
Check your motives. If you just want to make yourself look good, you will tend to be sarcastic, and you will tend to "tease" other people by degrading them in front of others. The consequences of this will be that your friends will see your "teasing" as shameful, and your spouse and your children will grow distant from you. It may cost you your marriage.
If , on the other hand, your motives are to build up and encourage your spouse and children, then speak words of support, love, and praise to them. Your friends will view you as a loving person, and your spouse and children will always want to be near you. They will love to hear you talk, as your words will be "like honey" to them.
So choose well how you will use your words. You have the power to build up, or to tear down, just by the choices that you make.
Douglas Cowan, Psy.D., is a family therapist who has been working with ADHD children and their families since 1986. He is the clinical director of the ADHD Information Library's family of seven web sites, including http://www.newideas.net, helping over 350,000 parents and teachers learn more about ADHD each year. Dr. Cowan also serves on the Medical Advisory Board of VAXA International of Tampa, FL., is President of the Board of Directors for KAXL 88.3 FM in central California, and is President of NewIdeas.net Incorporated.
Latest News
 Hour.ca | An ugly attack on Mormons Los Angeles Times, CA - The Mormon zealots yank the couple's wedding rings from their fingers and then tear up their marriage license. As the thugs leave, one says to the other, ... Sam Loomis '10: Common ground Proposition 8: Separating the fiction from fact |
 NEWS.com.au | Melody LaLuz Fabien and Claudaniel Fabien wait until marriage to kiss Chicago Sun-Times, United States - ... marriage -- but went a little further by agreeing not to kiss each other on the lips before their union was official. The couple's wedding was yesterday ... Abstinence Instructors Hold Out Until Marriage for First Kiss Chicago couple wait for first kiss at the altar A Lesson From a 28-Year-Old Virgin Couple abstains from sex and ... |
 Washington Post | Ivana Divorce! Trump Splits From Hubby After 7-Month Marriage FOXNews - Ivana Trump's sons walked her down the aisle, and her daughter Ivanka was her maid of honor for their April 2008 wedding held, to keep the family even more ... Ivana Trump splits from husband No.4, just seven months after ... Divorce: Ivana Trump 7 month marriage is over Ivana Trump Leaves Husband No. 4 |
Florida governor's bride-to-be chooses her gown for Dec. 12 wedding Sun-Sentinel.com, FL - Hung's salon is also altering cream-colored, floor-length dresses purchased elsewhere for Rome's two preteen daughters from a previous marriage, ... Gays to Demonstrate at Fla. Gov. Crist’s Marriage Gay rights group to protest at Crist's wedding Charlie Crist's fiancee to wear silk gown to the nuptials |
Ayesha's marriage postponed after terror attack Oneindia, India - Ayesha Takia's wedding to beau, restaurateur Farhan Azmi, delayed. Wedding to take place mid-2009 In the wake of the 26/11 terrorist attacks, Ayesha Takia's ... Ayesha Takia postpones wedding |
Nicole on marriage as Zara's barn plans spark wedding talk hellomagazine.com, UK - This week blissfully happy Nicole Kidman speaks about marriage and motherhood exclusively to HELLO magazine, which also takes a look at Zara Phillips' ... |
Group Plans To Protest Crist's Wedding CBS 4, FL - ... Impact Florida says the group plans to demonstrate outside Crist's wedding because he supported Amendment 2, which banned same-sex marriage in Florida. ... Gay Rights Group To Protest At Crist's Wedding Gay rights group to protest at Crist's wedding Gay Rights Protest Set For Nuptials |
This Season, Some Tempers Simmer Wall Street Journal - Now a trip to a cousin's Florida wedding in February is in jeopardy because of finances. Missing the wedding and Christmas "could become a source of ... |
Why Ruin Their Wedding Day? ireport - Gay Activists have announced that they will be outside of the church to protest the Governor's support of the amendment banning Gay marriage. ... |
Weddings and business: A marriage of convenience BusinessWorld Online, Philippines - Just as weddings are a beginning of a lifelong marriage, wedding suppliers are hopeful that the current business vigor paves the way for a truly sustainable ... |
Resources
-
Wedding Vows, Marriage Vows
Proven Wedding and Marriage vows.
-
Free Personals with photos - International Marriage site
matrimonials with pictures. Post your matrimonial for free and browse though photo personals to find your mate, bride, groom. Matrimonial service for people looking for love, romance and Marriage.