Me Tarzan! You Jane!
Once upon a time a caveman, while out for a walk, came a across a young woman. Struck by her beauty he immediately tried to get her attention by violently thumping his chest, his good imitation of Tarzan's victory cry reverberating through the length and breadth of the forest.
His mother, seeing that he was receiving no reaction, said in disgust, "Oh, Billy, when it comes to women you have no idea. Instead of all that thumping and roaring, why don't you give the girl what she really wants?"
Being a bright lad, he knew exactly what she meant. Quick as a wink he placed a ring of heavy rope around her ankle and took her home to his cave.
No woman could resist such a pledge of love. Not then. Not ever.
Having learned their lesson, men have been placing all sorts of rings on women's fingers ever since. For the less demanding there were grass rings and flower rings and string rings and ribbon rings.
The more ostentatious ladies liked a bit of metal, and even more, a good-sized rock to go with it. Seeing it sparkling on their finger like a star in the sky, they would throw their arms around the lad crying, "Oh, Jimmy, I do love you so. I'll never love anyone else but you." The trusting fool believed it, of course, little realizing that as soon as she was shown a bigger carat, she'd be off, possibly even carrying his paltry offering with her.
What fun the girls used to derive from trying the ring now on this finger, now on that. Some thought it looked best on their thumb, others preferred to have it on their tallest digit, and others still chose a finger according to the needs of the occasion. When attending the opera, for example, an index finger was great for showing off that rock as you pointed it in this or that direction. Visiting a spinster aunt - or as the politically correct phrase in Australia has it, the "never validly married" lady - it seemed more charitable to place it on a less conspicuous finger, the out of the way small finger.
But whatever the finger, the girl always placed the ring on the right hand, the dominant hand. This was the hand that cooked and sewed and rocked the cradle and spanked bottoms of future kings and queens.
Somehow that ring gave a girl a sense of power which began to alarm her young man. She might be the queen of his heart in the privacy of her boudoir, but in the world he must always be king.
Taking his lady aside, he began whispering sweet nothings into her ear, which included let's switch that ring from the right hand to the left.
"But it is the right hand which is the dominant one, my love."
"Well, you see my dearest, ahem, ahem," he could hardly tell her that if there was any dominating to be done, he wanted to be the one doing it, "the heart is on the same side as the left hand."
"So?"
"Why, don't you see, my sweetness, there's a vein that runs right from the heart to the left-hand finger."
"I didn't know you knew anything about anatomy?"
"When you're a man," he says modestly, "there's very little that you don't know. Now about that ring."
"But which finger, exactly, is this vein attached to?"
"Which finger can you move least?"
"The finger right next to my little finger, of course."
"That's the one!"
Vlady is an Australian Civil Marrige Celebrant.
She is the author of "The Complete Book of Australian Weddings" and "The Small Organisation Handbook".
She is a member of the Queensland Civil Marriage Celebrant Association, Celebrants' Training Association, Australian Authors' Association and Romance Writers of Australia Association.
You can visit Vlady at her website http://www.vlady-celebrant.com
Latest News
 Gay Socialites | An ugly attack on Mormons Los Angeles Times, CA - The Mormon zealots yank the couple's wedding rings from their fingers and then tear up their marriage license. As the thugs leave, one says to the other, ... Sam Loomis '10: Common ground Proposition 8: Separating the fiction from fact |
 NEWS.com.au | Melody LaLuz Fabien and Claudaniel Fabien wait until marriage to kiss Chicago Sun-Times, United States - ... marriage -- but went a little further by agreeing not to kiss each other on the lips before their union was official. The couple's wedding was yesterday ... Abstinence Instructors Hold Out Until Marriage for First Kiss Chicago couple wait for first kiss at the altar A Lesson From a 28-Year-Old Virgin Couple abstains from sex and ... |
 Sydney Morning Herald | Ivana Divorce! Trump Splits From Hubby After 7-Month Marriage FOXNews - Ivana Trump's sons walked her down the aisle, and her daughter Ivanka was her maid of honor for their April 2008 wedding held, to keep the family even more ... Ivana Trump splits from husband No.4, just seven months after ... Divorce: Ivana Trump 7 month marriage is over Ivana Trump Leaves Husband No. 4 |
Florida governor's bride-to-be chooses her gown for Dec. 12 wedding Sun-Sentinel.com, FL - Hung's salon is also altering cream-colored, floor-length dresses purchased elsewhere for Rome's two preteen daughters from a previous marriage, ... Gays to Demonstrate at Fla. Gov. Crist’s Marriage Gay rights group to protest at Crist's wedding Sunday links: A protest of the Crist-Rome nuptials? |
Ayesha's marriage postponed after terror attack Oneindia, India - Ayesha Takia's wedding to beau, restaurateur Farhan Azmi, delayed. Wedding to take place mid-2009 In the wake of the 26/11 terrorist attacks, Ayesha Takia's ... Ayesha Takia postpones wedding |
Certified Vacations Group, Inc. & CaribbeanWeddings.Com Announce ... MarketWatch - Certified's 28-year track record of excellence in developing packaged leisure travel, combined with our wedding expertise makes a perfect marriage. ... |
Group Plans To Protest Crist's Wedding CBS 4, FL - ... Impact Florida says the group plans to demonstrate outside Crist's wedding because he supported Amendment 2, which banned same-sex marriage in Florida. ... Gay Rights Group To Protest At Crist's Wedding Gay rights group to protest at Crist's wedding Gay Rights Protest Set For Nuptials |
This Season, Some Tempers Simmer Wall Street Journal - Now a trip to a cousin's Florida wedding in February is in jeopardy because of finances. Missing the wedding and Christmas "could become a source of ... |
 Auburn Citizen | Montag, Pratt wedding symbolic, not yet legal Auburn Citizen, NY - The story doesn't note that they had neither obtained a marriage license nor taken part in a separate civil ceremony, which is required by Mexican law to ... Something Fishy About Spencer - Heidi Wedding |
Why Ruin Their Wedding Day? ireport - Gay Activists have announced that they will be outside of the church to protest the Governor's support of the amendment banning Gay marriage. ... |
Resources
-
Wedding Vows, Marriage Vows
Proven Wedding and Marriage vows.
-
Free Personals with photos - International Marriage site
matrimonials with pictures. Post your matrimonial for free and browse though photo personals to find your mate, bride, groom. Matrimonial service for people looking for love, romance and Marriage.