How To Live With Your Teenagers Untidy Room
'Whose room is it anyway?'
If you have a teenager, you're no doubt familiar with the warcry of independence:
'It's my room and I should be allowed to do as I please.'
You hear the aggrieved voice, but for the life of you, you can't see beyond
- the unmade bed
- the piles of discarded clothing
- the litter of books
- magazines
- scattered CD covers
- pizza boxes
- and soft drinks cans.
Your spirits plummet as you prepare to join battle yet again.
But let's stop for a moment and take stock. Do we really need to create a fuss?
We all know adolescence is a time of change. The desire for independence is strong - yet the adolescent is still very dependent, especially where finance is concerned.
There's a subconscious need for rebellion during this phase: our children feel a need to kick against the goad; to throw off the shackles of childhood; to explore and develop this strange, often threatening personality.
That's why at around the age of thirteen our kids 'disappear' from the family circle and spend much of their time in their rooms.
It's like taking to the hills, a way of retreating from the old folks and their 'naff' conversations, values and ideals.
The Untidy Room Syndrome states loudly and clearly, 'I want to do things MY WAY, not yours!'
So the music blares, the scraps of food fester - as would the unwashed clothes, if you let them!
Only a privileged few receive an invite to the inner sanctum. The rest make do with: 'Get out of my room!'
MY room?
We parents provide every home comfort. We pay the mortgage. We pay the bills. We do the laundering. Yet we're told, 'Get out of MY room'!
Let's laugh it off! (While insisting on common courtesy, of course).
Growing kids need their space, a safe haven where they can 'chill out'.
So what about the mess?
What stance should we take on that?
Well, let's remember the mess is part of the rebellion. We keep the rest of the home tidy, don't we?
Then turn a blind eye (with one exception, which we'll come to in a moment).
Yes, turn a blind eye! If they want to scatter their CDs and magazines and clothes in glorious chaos, let them.
They're in a controlled, safe environment, after all - the family home. They're not trashing the town, like so many others.
No, let them get the rebellion out of their systems. Good news: it will only last a few years.
And hard experience will teach them the lessons they need to learn. 'Oops! My CD's don't play so well when they're scratched and dusty.'
'I'm fed up looking for things and not finding them. There has to be a better way!'
Let's encourage our kids to keep a tidy room - but leave the details to them.
So what about that exception?
Lay down the law - with a sledge hammer if necessary! - when it comes to matters of health and hygiene.
If you do the laundering and your kids expect clean clothes, then insist they pick up the items to be washed and put them in the laundry basket.
If they leave scraps of food and half-drunk cups of coffee, insist they clear them away. Explain why you're taking this line. There's no convincing objection they can raise!
Insist they make a clearance for whoever does the vacuuming and dusting.
Apart from that, take a step back. If they can happily live in the chaos, you can happily leave them to it.
Relax. Bide your time. The fires of rebellious youth will splutter and fizzle, and it will all come right in the end.
Happy Parenting!
Why do some parents and children succeed, while others fail? Frank McGinty is an internationally published author and teacher. His writing includes children's fiction and motivational books for both teenagers and parents.If you want to further develop your parenting confidence and encourage your kids to be all they can be, visit his web pages, http://www.frank-mcginty.com/peace-formula.html AND http://www.frank-mcginty.com/for-parents.html
Latest News
Getting Tough on Bullying Washington Post, United States - And as mounting research shows the negative effects on both the bully and the victim, mental-health professionals, schools, parents and even kids themselves ... |
 Examiner.com | (ie San Francisco hiking, San Francisco parenting) Examiner.com - by Sherrill Fulghum, New York Music Examiner When artists record an album there is often more songs written and recorded than make it onto the album. ... |
 Examiner.com | (ie San Francisco hiking, San Francisco parenting) Examiner.com - by Michelle Flannigan, DC Metro Area Parenting Examiner Last month, a mother abandoned a newborn girl in a garbage sack in Tacoma Park. ... |
 Examiner.com | (ie San Francisco hiking, San Francisco parenting) Examiner.com - by Kathleen Milazzo, Chicago Special Needs Examiner We all know how great holiday leftovers can be, however these leftovers do not consist of food not eaten ... |
(ie San Francisco hiking, San Francisco parenting) Examiner.com - by Brian Trent, Independent Examiner While his mother screamed and begged for mercy, a 15-year-old Indian boy was beaten, his scalp shaved, ... |
Thousands to get lessons in parenting Stuff.co.nz, New Zealand - A Government scheme that sends parents of violent or misbehaving children to parenting courses is to expand to up to 15000 more families. ... |
Queer parenting: more than cute baby photos Lawrentian (subscription), WI - 13 four Lawrence University faculty members shared four unique versions of what it is like to be a queer parent in Appleton. While each tale differed in ... |
 Examiner.com | (ie San Francisco hiking, San Francisco parenting) Examiner.com - by Sherrill Fulghum, New York Music Examiner In 2007 former Vice-President Al Gore launched a campaign for awareness of Global Warming. ... |
Child deaths test faith-healing exemption Chicago Tribune, United States - "We can't legislate good parenting, but at least we shouldn't have laws allowing bad parenting," said Swan, who now heads the advocacy group Children's ... |
Mark Wahlberg shares parenting advice Great Dad, California - Fatherhood can be a wild ride, whether you are an average dad or a high-profile star who is balancing parenting skills with the pressures of the celebrity ... |
Resources
-
Parents - The Greatest Parenting Secret in 50 Years!
Raising Kids With Life Skills makes both Parenting and growing up easier to do.
-
Parenting TOOLS to design the family of your dreams! What does your dream family look like?
Powerful tools for Parenting, anger management, and creative blocks!
-
Toddler Activities - Preschooler Activities - Children's Activities - Family Fun
Toddler activities to entertain and educate your toddler. 52 toddler activities and more! FREE newsletter with toddler activities, toddler play ideas and toddler crafts, relevant websites, Parenting quotes and more!
-
Many of our Ebooks are 100% FREE!
Download ebooks on website marketing, Parenting, ebook publishing and more.
-
Child behavior management without anger with this upbeat and effective Parenting tool.
An upbeat, fun Parenting tool for parents wishing to manage their behavior challenged kids.
-
More Fun Less Work Parenting Method - Increase Your Child's Emotional Intelligence
Fun Parenting method - teach your child emotional intelligence using curiosity and simple rules. Increase kid
-
Many of our Ebooks are 100% FREE!
Download ebooks on website marketing, Parenting, ebook publishing and more.
-
teach your baby how to read,early reading,Parenting advice,reading baby,toddler learning activity
You can teach your baby how to read. Reading early is possible.Your growing child learns through a cumulative process and targeted toddler learning activities. Crucial Parenting advice is key to unlocking your child
-
Practical Parenting Advice - children's behavior problems, child
behaviour problems, FREE parentin
Free Practical Parenting Advice - children
-
Divorce Parenting
Divorce resource for parents. Online seminar. Great tools for learning to help your family navigate the breakup process. Kids, Children, Parents, Family divorce tips and solutions. Powerful Strategies